The things I know now Jack is three…
The tantrums are stronger, the cleverness is amazing, the cheekiness multiplied by a thousand; the love overwhelming. I’d wager I learn something new about being a parent every single day, but here is a just a few lessons I have learned recently.
1. 1. How to share my food. Anyone who knows me probably understands that I don’t mind sharing most things, but there is certain foods I have such an addiction to. I can get quite selfish, or I’ll-stab-you-ferociously-with-a-fork-if-you-steal-one-chip-off-my-plateish. But, I have learned to share, because you know, I love my kid. And I don’t like him screaming. Or if I can’t share, I now know to hide in the pantry if I want to eat Burger Rings
2. 2. Sleep isn’t that important. I’ve come to realise that if I don’t get the amount of sleep I desire, I won’t actually die, as previously believed. My behaviour and attitude as a sleep-deprived
cow person, may make other people want to make me dead, but it hasn’t happened yet.
3. 3. I shouldn’t go outside and leave just one door unlocked. My 3 year old son will lock me out, and won’t easily cave to any fake bribes of ‘Ooh Jack, look, Mummy just found a puppy out here, and it’s got M-n-Ms. and a tube of bubbles!’ 3 year olds are smart, they need to see the goods.
4. 4. Sometimes the best things in life aren’t necessarily free, but they can be cheap and disposable. A packet of balloons can be bought from so many shops, and entertain a kid for hours. Even if your head spins, your cheeks burn and the skin has rubbed from your finger tips from blowing them up all day, it’s worth t it to see the joy on their faces. Water pistols are good for hotter days, as are sprinklers. Combine things like this for water balloons and have even more fun! Dropping handfuls of garden rocks down a water drain can be fun too, apparently.
5. 5. ‘Please’ is a shit word for a 3 year old to learn. First of all, he now feels that every time he says please he will certainly get what he wants. Like a pet tiger, or ice cream at 4am. Also, I’ve had to become creative, as he often says ‘Please is gone!’ as a way to get out of saying it when he’s in a one of those moods. Because I want to get the damn argument over with, I artfully cut him off as he says the ‘is ; part of the sentence crowing ‘Oh, you said please, good boy, here you go’. Positive reinforcement I believe.
6. 6. Counting to 3 as a warning doesn’t work anymore. He either shrieks at me to ‘Say four Mummy!’ Or, he smiles angelically and continues to count up to 12, quite proud and calm. Bugger.
7. 7. I’ve become one of those parents that people avert their eyes from. It used to be commiserating knowing looks and smiles from other mothers, and slightly uncomfortable giggles from some strangers. At the airport recently, while I was asking him politely not to wander off, Jack decided to say very loud and clear ‘Stop it Mummy, you’re hurting me! Let me go!’ I wasn’t touching him. When it came to a point where I had to hold onto him – so he didn’t hijack a plane to Vegas or something – he decided to call out pleadingly, ‘Help me! Please help!’ to anyone passing by. Now, people don’t hesitate to look at the ground and are probably googling the number for DHS as they sidle past us.
8. 8. Clothes are generally unnecessary. Apparently.
9. 9. That even though I never believed anything could be more painful and trying than sleeping with a 2 year old wriggling around and stealing your pillow, I was wrong. Clearly.
I 10. I have officially reached the point where it is utterly pathetic and transparent to refer to it as ‘baby weight’.
Much love, Melissa xo