10 Things I have learned (or re-learned) since living in a house habituated by a toddler…

10 Things I have learned (or re-learned) since living in a house habituated by a toddler…

1. Stepping on Lego hurts like a bloody mofo. I’m sure it was painful enough when I actually was a kid, but now I weigh a lot more, and my reflexes are slower, making for prolonged foot-on-plastic contact. And Lego’s not the only thing, any small item buried in a shaggy rug is a bear trap. Soggy lollies, wet wipes, and don’t even ask me how it feels to kneel on a matchbox car.
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The different ways a man and woman cook a barbeque…

How a woman cooks a barbeque…How a man cooks a barbeque…

I would like to clarify that this article is intended to be entirely satirical. I am taking the piss based on stereotypical opinions and in no way does this represent my true assumptions on the matter. So please, don’t take it seriously, have a giggle 🙂

HOW A WOMAN COOKS A BARBEQUE…

-24 hours prior to barbeque the woman confirms predicted attendance numbers by studying R.S.V.P’s and meticulously telephoning anyone who has not replied.
-The woman forms a detailed list of brands and volumes of food and drink required, based upon guests sex-weight ratio.

-List generally includes, beer, wine, six varieties of soft drink, lettuce, tomato, three cheeses, carrots, cabbage, onions, potatoes, two types of pasta, butter, margarine and canola spread, low fat mayonnaise, cheese cracker biscuits, semi sun-dried tomatoes, salami – both hot and mild, kabana, mustard, tomato sauce, barbeque sauce, black pepper, white pepper, rock salt, table salt, sea salt, extra virgin first cold pressed olive oil bought only in a green bottle, paper towel, plastic knives, forks, plates and cups, white bread, brown bread, wholegrain bread, white rolls, brown rolls, wholegrain rolls, nineteen varieties of gourmet sausages, chicken sausages, gluten free sausages, bone free chops, marinated steaks, chicken bits, both honey soy and satay, a new spatula, tongs and apron, hamburgers, lamb burgers, chicken burgers, beef burgers, tofu burgers and veggie burgers.
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Romance versus Realism – Essay

The following is an essay I wrote back in 2007 as a student at Victoria University. It’s semi-literary, so a little unlike my regular posts, but still something I put thought and effort into.

The reason I have posted this particular essay is to point out that I am not what I define as a ‘stuck-up’ reader. I like certain books for certain reasons, and I refuse to judge others based on what they choose to read.

I personally don’t think something has to be a ‘literary great’ to be considered a ‘real’ book. I believe people read for two main reasons; one, for entertainment – and escapism. And two, for education. These two things can overlap, but essentially each individual reads for their own reasons, and no-one should feel they are in a position to judge this. As a librarian, I see how many people borrow Mills and Boon and Western novels, and it is a lot. Some of these borrowers openly admit they know these stories are repetitive and predictable and some feel the need to justify this choice, by saying the balance them by also reading biographies and other more serious books, and calling them ‘easy’ and ‘fluffy’ reads. I always inform them I need no explanations, it is their choice to read what they want, and it is not up to me to make judgements.
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